Do You Know if You’re Self-Absorbed?

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After a breakup, it’s easy to have 20/20 vision about what you could have done differently to save the relationship. But how about while you’re still in the relationship? If your current partner is important to you then you need to make sure you’re focusing enough of your attention on making him/her happy — before you lose her.

Many of my male clients who were left single again after a painful divorce told me it was because they had been so focused on their career that they didn’t realize they were neglecting their wife. They all regretted it and assured me they would never do that again, so that’s why I’m sharing it with you. Unfortunately, it’s very easy to fall into. Life has many distractions and smartphones make it harder than ever to truly go home after work.

Plus, it’s not always work that steals our focus. Mom’s become so focused on taking care of their kids that they forget to be loving to their husband. I’m personally guilty of doing it when I’m hyper focused on a project like redesigning my websites. The dictionary defines self-absorbed as “preoccupied with one’s own feelings, interests, or situation.” Whichever self-absorbed activity you participate in it will deteriorate your relationship.

So what you need to do is create a schedule and stick to it. Put “date night” on at least one night every week. Date night is when you put your phones away, get a baby sitter if you need one, and just the two of you go out and have fun together. You need to prioritize the things that are most important to you. Yes, work is important. But would you be happy without your relationship? If not, you need to put your relationship first.

That goes for all you moms too. The best gift you can give your children is a loving home with two parents modeling a loving relationship for them. Don’t lose sight of how you brought them into this world. Your spouse needs your affection too.

What I’m trying to say is don’t take your relationship for granted. We all get busy now and then and sometimes it can’t be helped. I’m just cautioning you to never lose your connection with your significant other for more than a day or two at the most. Human touch and especially sex are great stress relievers.  Studies show people in happy relationships live healthier and longer lives. Make sure your relationship is never out of your focus and you’ll be happier too.