Human beings are creatures of habit. Addicts are beings of extreme habit. When two people break up, what they initially have to deal with is breaking the habit of interacting with each other. It’s a habit to call to share things that happen, it’s a habit to have an automatic date on weekends, and it’s a habit to let your thoughts focus on what the other person in a relationship is doing. The best way to break a habit is to replace it with something else. That’s why many people go right into another relationship. The healthy thing to do is shift all that loving energy toward you. Create a new habit of taking care of you. Start by taking care of what you think.
First and foremost, you have to stop thinking about your ex-partner. Every time you allow your thoughts to run the highlight reel—memories of all the good times you had together—your brain responds as if it is happening all over again. That’s why you do it. Re-experiencing loving memories gives you the fix you’re craving. Then, when you stop, you’re snapped back to reality. The pain and withdrawal are just as intense as when the breakup initially happened. You’re back to day one of trying to let go.
Your brain response doesn’t distinguish between thinking and doing. So if you’re going through a breakup, ask yourself if just the memory of a relationship is enough for you. If not, you have to stop thinking good thoughts about the relationship so you can move on.
Call me for Breakup Coaching if you need support getting through a breakup.