Playing The Victim Won’t Help You

DonnaBarnes Get Over a Breakup Leave a Comment

Blaming someone for the ways they hurt you or pointing out what they did wrong only makes you look bad. It certainly does not endear them to you, or get you what you want.

The best way to get someone to do what you want is to inspire them to want to do it for you. Allow yourself to be vulnerable by sharing how you feel, using “I” statements and asking for what you want or need. It’s never about what your partner didn’t do, it’s about what you want him or her to do. No one likes to be scolded or blamed, it only makes them defensive and pushes them away.

If your partner has told you it’s over and you feel you’re never going to see him again, then he definitely doesn’t need to know how you feel. Maintain your power! If you pour your heart out to him in an e-mail, you’ll just squash any positive feelings he may still have. Both men and women have told me that they think jilted lovers are crazy when they send e-mails pleading their case about why the relationship works when they have been told it doesn’t. You have to respect an ex’s boundaries. If you genuinely think you might be able to work it out, then you need to do that face-to-face, or at the very least on the phone. It needs to be a two-way conversation so you can be sure your feelings are acknowledged. E-mails will leave you vulnerable because no response is required. If your ex is not willing to talk about it further, then he or she is not worth any more of your precious time.