If you are still contacting an ex-lover who has told you he or she doesn’t want to be with you anymore, you are attempting to force-feed him or her. She has made up her mind, and nothing you can do can change that. Any attempt at connection or communication will make things worse for you. She may be polite at first and try to listen to what you have to say. That doesn’t mean she wants you again; she doesn’t. Trying harder will only propel your anxiety—it will not get you what you want. Put yourself in her shoes. When you chase something it runs. The only chance you have of getting your ex back is to stop all communication now.
I fully understand what it’s like to feel abandoned by someone you love with all of your heart. I also understand the separation anxiety that drives you to reach out to your love to try to change his or her mind. I even understand what’s it’s like to be confused and to be desperately searching to figure out what happened. Any new information you discover you want to share with the object of your desire—to help him understand too—to change his mind. But none of that works. You have to accept his boundary that it is over. That is his reality. You are only making yourself look needy and unattractive. If your ex-partner has his own anxiety, all your anxiety is making his much worse.
When you love someone, it’s not just about what you want. True love means wanting the other person to be happy too. It’s a hard pill to swallow when what he or she wants is to be away from you. But the loving thing to do is to let him have what he wants. You can’t force someone to love you. If you try, he may end up hating you. He almost certainly will cut you off forever. Don’t give away your power.
Call me for Breakup Coaching if you need support getting through a breakup.