A social media user has easy access to potential heartbreak. I’ve always believed that snooping is a bad idea. If you find something that upsets you in your snooping, you can’t ask about it without admitting that you were snooping. Snooping is a major violation of boundaries and is very destructive to the trust in your relationship. Yet if you don’t admit you snooped, then you have to live with the heartburn of what you found. I think the nutritious choice is not to snoop. But with the popularity of social media, you can now be invited to snoop in someone’s past and present. I know it’s not called snooping; however, I feel it holds the same vulnerability. The danger is discovering something that’s completely innocent but allowing your insecurity to blow it out of proportion or make it something it’s not. Even worse, it gives you too much information that you wouldn’t have known any other way.
The most senseless way social media causes heartbreak is after a breakup. The lure to keep tabs on an ex-lover by looking at his or her Facebook page is self-destructive. Clients frequently spend hours on the phone with me combating their anxiety about a picture they saw or a post they read, that they wouldn’t even have to deal with if they didn’t look for it. I continually stress to them that they need to stop looking; the only way for them to feel better and move on is to cut all contact and remove all stimulus of the relationship. The common phrase “out of sight out of mind” is very helpful when you’re trying to get over someone.
Frequently, exes do unfriend each other but remain friends with all the people they share in common. Then when they see something upsetting, they end up posting retaliatory items to get back at the other. Don’t make excuses to keep nibbling on that sugary cookie. It’s playing games, and it can become a painful, silent war. You may feel that it would be rude to unfriend your ex-lover’s friends and family, but if keeping contact is hurting you, then you have to put yourself first and cut all contact. You could send a nice note and say you have enjoyed the relationship and appreciated their support, but you need to take care of you and move on. Anyone who truly cares about you will understand.
Call me for Breakup Coaching if you need support getting through a breakup.