Still texting your ex while dating someone new? In this video, breakup coach Donna Barnes shares why it’s essential to compassionately but clearly tell your ex that you’ve moved on. Whether you’re recently out of a relationship, still talking to your ex for comfort, or avoiding a difficult conversation, this episode of the Broken to Brave podcast is for you. Learn how keeping your ex in limbo causes emotional harm, how to set healthy boundaries, and why honesty is the kindest choice—even when it’s hard. Perfect for men and women who are in a new relationship but feel stuck in post-breakup dynamics, this video offers insight, encouragement, and actionable advice to help you (and your ex) truly move forward. 💔➡️❤️ #BreakupAdvice #MovedOn #TellingYourEx #RelationshipBoundaries #EmotionalHealing
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The script:
If you’re still communicating with your ex, but you’re now in a new relationship, you really need to tell your ex that you have moved on and that you are no longer available. Because if you’re still communicating with your ex, he or she is still pining for you and most likely holding hope that you’re going to get back together. So if that’s not the case, I highly recommend you be honest.
It will be much more compassionate to let them stop hoping that they’re going to get you back. Because as a breakup coach, can’t even tell you how everybody that comes to me for coaching starts with, how do I get my ex back? Right? So like, yeah, if you’re the ex and you are not going back, you absolutely need to tell your ex that you have moved on. You’re in a new relationship and that you are not coming back.
I promise you it’s the compassionate thing to do.
Welcome to my Broken to Brave podcast. I’m Donna Barnes, and I want to talk about if you’ve recently broken up with somebody and you’ve moved on, but you’re still communicating with your ex because it feels good for you. You’re not ready to completely let it go. You get your little fix. It makes you happy. You’re hurting your ex. And I’d really like to encourage you to let them know you moved on. Right? Like, I mean, when two people break up,
They have the habit of interacting with each other that they need to break, right? And habits are hard to break. So even if you don’t want to be in the relationship anymore, there’s still certain things you like about your ex, right? And you like talking to him or her, or you like texting with him or her. It’s really just kind of comforting for you, but you have no intention of taking them back. You’re really not helping them, right? In fact, you’re really hurting them. It’s really harmful.
to give your ex hope that you want him or her back, if you know for a fact that’s not what you want. And be honest with yourself. Like it’s really unfair to keep the door open just in case you want your ex back. Like maybe you’re not sure about the new one. Maybe you just kind of want to keep your option open that you might want to hook up with your ex here and there. It’s really not fair to your ex and it’s really hurtful.
If you know your ex still really cares about you. So I’m appealing to you to be a bigger person, right? And to not want to hurt somebody who really cares about you. And I know it doesn’t, it’s, not easy. I know it’s not really easy to tell somebody that you know, really cares about you, that you’ve moved on, that you’ve found somebody else. But I promise you, it is the compassionate and the right thing to do.
If that’s the case, if you have no intention of getting back together as a full couple in a committed relationship with your ex, you really need to tell him or her that you’re in another relationship and you can do it in a compassionate way, right? If you’re still talking to them on the phone, ideally the best way and say, look, I don’t say this to hurt you, but I just think you should know. I just want to be friends with you now. I’m not.
open to ever getting back together and actually in another relationship because I promise you if if your ex doesn’t know that you’re in another relationship and you’re communicating he or she thinks you’re working your way back and that you’re going to get back together and if that’s not your intention I really encourage you to be honest with your ex about that and if you’re texting and and you’re communicating that way like I mean
I’m not a fan of a text message, but I think if your ex reaches out to you, I don’t think you should do this just out of the blue to your ex like who asked you, right? But if your ex is communicating with you, you should be crystal clear. Hey, I don’t say this to hurt you, but I just think you should know I’ve moved on. There’s someone else in my life and I’m open to being friends with you if that’s what you want.
but we are not getting back together. Because it’s actually the compassionate thing to do. mean, limbo sucks. And everybody’s in limbo after a breakup. They want something that they can’t have and they’re trying to control something that they can’t control, which leaves them in limbo. So it’s a gift. If you can tell your ex, look, stop being in limbo. I mean, don’t use those words, but basically you’re telling them to move on because you’ve moved on.
and you need to stop communicating with your ex. It’s really selfish and unfair to be reaching out to get a little fix of your ex and leaving that door open if you know you have no intentions of ever getting your ex back. and yeah, look, I mean, never say never, right? Like who knows what might happen years ago, years later, but for now, if you know that you don’t want your ex back, it really is the most compassionate thing to do is to tell them.
Tell them that you’ve moved on so that they can move on and that they’re not hoping that you’re going to get back together. mean, hope can be a really destructive emotion if it’s about something that you can’t control, right? And if your ex is hoping to get you back and you know that you’re not going back, the most compassionate thing you can do is to tell your ex that you’re not coming back and that you’ve moved on.
And to that same point, if you’re just dating somebody and you kind of like their company and you enjoy it a little bit, but you really know they’re not somebody you’re going to stay with long term, I highly recommend sharing that information too, so that they can make a decision and not waste time. If time is really valuable to them. time valuable to everybody, but especially if someone’s in a point in their life where they’re really looking to find their person to get married or to start a family most
Definitely, if it’s somebody who’s looking to start a family and you know you don’t want to do that with that person, the sooner you are able to tell them, the better it will be for them. And yes, it might hurt in the beginning, which is why I know you don’t really want to do that, right? None of us really want to hurt somebody else. But if it’s a hurt now to save you from really worse hurt later, I think that’s a really…
helpful thing to share. Because people hold out hope for years sometimes, hoping that something’s going to go back to what it was or where they were. And if you’re giving somebody any shred of hope because you’re communicating with them, you’re hurting them. You’re really hurting them. And I’d really like to encourage you to stop all communication and let them know that you’re going to stop all communication because
You’re not coming back to that.
As a breakup coach, all of my clients talk to me for hours about how to get their ex back. And if you’re that ex and you know for a fact that you’re not coming back, that’s incredibly helpful information to share with your now ex so that they can move on. And really, it’s the compassionate thing to do.
I really think after a breakup, you’ve left someone and you don’t want to be in their life anymore, you need to be a hundred percent out of their life so that they can move on too. It’s really unfair to keep somebody pining for you and lingering in limbo. If you know that you’re not coming back, I’d like to encourage you to let your ex know that you are moving on. You’re with somebody else.
then you’re not coming back.
I actually made an online course to help people through breakup. If your ex is kind of stalking you and really very emotionally unstable and you’re worried about them and you don’t want to tell them you moved on with somebody else because you’re afraid of what they might potentially do. Honestly, you could give them coaching with me or I have an online course. I’ll put the link in the description below. You could give them.
my online course to help them through a breakup. It really virtually holds their hands through all of it. But unfortunately, I think a lot of people become unstable because of anxiety after a breakup if they’ve never been unstable before. If your ex is acting unstable and you’re worried about them emotionally,
they’re probably okay unless they’ve had a history of being emotionally unstable. Because they always say we never know how we’re gonna feel about something until it happens. So if this is their first breakup, they’re dealing with the loss of that love. It’s grief, right? They’ve got to go through the five stages of grief. So if you’re reluctant to tell your ex that you’ve moved on because you’re afraid of how it might affect them, as far as potentially…
killing themselves or something like that, talk to somebody else about it. If you have a genuine concern that your ex might be suicidal, you can’t be the one to help them because usually that’s a manipulation tactic that they want your help. They want you to come in and out them. So if you’re really genuinely concerned about what your ex might do, if they find out that you moved on, talk to someone in their life. If you know their best friend,
If you know their parents, if you know their sibling, somebody that you know is very close to your ex, give a call to and talk to them and tell them, look, I’m really very concerned about what, you know, ex might do.
And get somebody else involved. You cannot be the rescuer and you can’t control what your ex does. And yeah, no one wants to feel like they’ve really hurt somebody and that they’re the source of, of anything bad that could happen to them. But it really is a gift if they know for sure that you are never coming back because holding onto that hope that you’re coming back is really keeping them in pain and keeping them in limbo.
Limbo sucks. Limbo really sucks because you can’t control it, right?
Do the right thing for your ex by letting them know that you moved on. And if you’re worried about them as far as their emotional stability, get somebody else involved. You cannot be the person that rescues them because that’s what they want. They want you back. And if you don’t want back in the relationship as a full committed relationship, then get somebody else involved, somebody important to them.
not in a way that makes them feel like you violated their trust or anything like that, but just in that you’re genuinely concerned.
And tell that person, look, I really want to tell them that I have somebody new in my life and I’m not coming back and see what their take is on it. Not, not in a way to get them to bear that news to them, but if they think that they’re strong enough that you can be the one that bear the news to them, then then go ahead and do it. But I just want to put the idea in your head that you are not being helpful to your ex by withholding the fact that you’ve moved on with somebody else. So if
That is what’s going on. I hope I have encouraged you to let your ex know so that he or she can move on too and be happier than I imagine they are right now.