A lot of my clients have told me they chose me to help them through their breakup because I was the only one who said one simple thing that helped them feel better. In this post I’m going to share that one thing with you so you can start using it right away.
But first I want to make sure you saw my last two videos, if you didn’t, you should now because I shared more reasons how I’m different than most other coaches. I also showed you that trying to control what your ex does makes you feel helpless, but shifting your focus to taking care of you makes you feel empowered. And I gave you three steps of my action plan to show you how simple it can be to feel better.
And now I’m going to give you that one thing my clients point out is different. That is very simply to stop talking about your ex and your breakup, because that action alone is causing you more pain. Venting is destructive, because it actually perpetuates your suffering. Each time you tell your story you relive it. Quite frankly, that’s why you do it. It makes you feel good to relive the good stuff. And the bad stuff you’re still processing so telling it over and over again to anyone who will listen feels like it’s helping. But I promise you it’s not. Please give your friends and family a break. They listen because they love you but I can assure you they’re tired of hearing about it.
You really need to stop running what I like to call “the highlight reel”. The highlight reel is all the memories of interacting with your ex. Your brain is incredibly powerful. When you think those thoughts you’re actually visualizing. Visualization is a highly effective tool used by professional athletes and many others to help improve performance and ability. Because your body responds to what your brain tells it to do. Neuroscience has proven that your mind can heal your body. They call it the placebo effect. When you have a high expectation that something will make you feel better your thoughts do exactly that. People also get called hypochondriacs when they get sick because someone else suggested it, but their body does actually show the symptoms.
What that means for you is every time you run that highlight of you and your ex your brain responds like it’s actually happening. That’s why it feels so good. But then when your focus is brought back to the present moment you hurt all over again because your ex isn’t available to you to interact with anymore. Essentially you ripped the band-aid off. That painful cycle of running the highlight reel then reliving your loss over and over will prevent you from healing.
Look, I don’t say this to hurt you, but the Painful Truth is that your ex is not coming back — at least not right now. So that high expectation you have of reuniting with your ex is what is creating your pain.
So I’m giving you an action to take right now. Declare this as day one, from this moment forward, that you are not going to talk about your ex, or your breakup, in any way at all for at least two days. Every time you get the urge tell yourself, “I’m not going to talk about it.” Try it, and see how you feel in two days.
In my Breakup Recovery Action Plan I will give you all my best tips and advice. This is the best and most up-to-date coaching program I have ever released. It contains everything I have ever learned about getting through a breakup.
In my next video I’ll show you my complete action plan, from beginning to end, that you need to follow to stop hurting over your breakup and become the best version of yourself. So you can either get your ex back, or move on and find someone even better.
Don’t forget to click this link to sign up for 24/7 Breakup Support with my online course, Breakup Recovery Action Plan.
Thanks for watching this video. And stay tuned for my next video. See you then.