Are you waiting for your partner to change so you can get your needs met? That’s giving your power away, and leaving you in limbo. We are all responsible for taking care of our own needs. What you need to do is enforce stronger boundaries.
As soon as your partner does something that you don’t like, if you tell him in a calm voice, using “I” statements how you need to be treated you’ll have a better chance of actually getting what you need. Unfortunately, what usually happens is you get angry or scold him and he shuts down. No one likes to be scolded.
Or maybe you just don’t ask for the things you want. Do you expect your partner to know what you need and just do it for you without you having to tell her? That’s not fair. How is she supposed to know what you want? Do you think she can read your mind? You can’t blame someone for not doing something if you didn’t ask them to do it. Check out: Blame is toxic.
I know this all sounds like simple common sense stuff. But as they say, common sense is not that common. When emotions get involved common sense usually fails us. These simple communication fixes can make a big difference in your relationship.
It always comes back to teaching people how to treat you. You get your needs met by standing up for yourself—always. Standing up for yourself doesn’t mean engaging in arguments, that will only perpetuate the tension between you. You need to stay calm, empowered, and ask for what you need.
It helps if you think of it as creating consequences for actions. It’s the law of physics right? For every action there is an equal and opposite reaction. You need to teach your partner that if he does this (whatever it is) then “this” is going to happen.
I’m not saying punish your partner though, punishment is toxic to your relationship. But don’t allow her to get what she wants if she didn’t treat you right. If you do then you’re rewarding bad behavior, and you’re not getting your needs met.