When to Let Go After a Breakup

DonnaBarnes We Broke Up 2 Comments

The best thing you can do to make yourself feel better and to build your self-esteem is to just let go after a breakup. I promise you, all my clients that cut all contact with their ex feel so much better about themselves than the ones who bombarded their ex with all their anxiety and emotion. In fact, those clients all wished they hadn’t done that.

So if you are still contacting an ex-lover who has told you he or she doesn’t want to be with you anymore, it’s like you’re attempting to force-feed her. She has made up her mind that she is done, and nothing you can do can change that. Any attempt at connection or communication will make things worse for you. She may be polite at first and try to listen to what you have to say. That doesn’t mean she wants you again; she doesn’t. Trying harder will only propel your anxiety—it will not get you what you want.

Put yourself in your ex’s shoes. It’s annoying when someone you don’t want to hear from keeps trying to connect with you, right? The more they try the angrier you get. You stop replying and usually block them. That’s most likely what your ex has now done to you. Don’t give her reason to get a restraining order against you—that would be damaging to your future.

When you chase something it runs. It’s really not beneficial in any way to keep chasing your ex. The only chance you have of possibly getting your ex back is to stop all communication now.

I do fully understand what it’s like to feel abandoned by someone you love with all of your heart. I also understand the separation anxiety that drives you to reach out to your love to try to change his mind. I even understand what’s it’s like to be confused and to be desperately searching to figure out what happened. Any new information you discover you want to share with the object of your desire—to help him understand too—to change his mind. But none of that works.

You have to accept his boundary that it is over. That is his reality. You are only making yourself look needy and unattractive. If your ex-partner has his own anxiety, all your anxiety is making his much worse.

When you love someone, it’s not just about what you want. True love means wanting the other person to be happy too. It’s a hard pill to swallow when what she wants is to be away from you. But the loving thing to do is to let him have what he wants. You can’t force someone to love you. If you try, he may end up hating you. He almost certainly will cut you off forever. Don’t give away your power. Have more self respect and just let go. Focus all that energy on making yourself the best you can be. That will be energy well spent!

Call me for Breakup Coaching if you need support to let go a breakup.