Forgive or Forgo

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Forgive and forget is much easier said than done when you feel betrayed or unloved. When you’re unable to get past something that your partner did, or didn’t do, it’s easy to become passive aggressive. The impulse to punish your partner for hurting you is certainly understandable. However, make sure your true desire is to destroy your relationship. Because that’s what that kind of behavior will do.

Its human nature to want to hurt the person who hurt you. I made a video back in 2014 called Getting Revenge on Your Ex when I was first starting my YouTube channel and it was my most viewed video for years. There truly is a thin line between love and hate, because the opposite of love isn’t hate, it’s indifference. Hate is a very strong emotion that causes you to not care about your partner’s feelings or to actually wish them harm. If that’s how you’re feeling about your partner then you really do need to get out of this relationship. But I caution you, if you’re feeling hate that’s probably because you truly love your partner.

If you’re struggling to forgive that’s probably because anger is a much easier emotion to deal with for most people. Allowing yourself to really feel your feelings takes more effort. But you need to decide what is deep in your heart. Do you still love your partner? Is what you really want to feel loved again? Do you want to get past this and be happier than you have ever been?

The truth is relationships can become better after a devastating heartbreak.

The truth is relationships can become better after a devastating heartbreak. You don’t always know how much someone genuinely means to you until you lose them. Many couples never have frank conversations about their feelings until the relationship is broken. Lack of real communication is why relationships fail. So if you do want to make your relationship work you need to start being brutally honest with your partner about how you feel. Not to hurt them, but so that they can understand you and make you feel loved.

You can make requests for how you want your partner to behave. If he cheated you can ask him to never interact with her ever again, or to tell you immediately about any contact they have. If he’s willing to do that it can show you how important you are to him. Whatever you need to feel better you need to share with your partner. Trust can be rebuilt but it takes a lot of change.

Forgetting means you shift your focus to something else. Instead of focusing on how you were hurt, focus on all the good things about your partner. Write a pro’s list. With pen on paper write all the things you love about your relationship. Or write a love letter to your partner describing how you want the relationship to be. Ask and you shall receive. It really can be that simple. After a devastating event your partner should be keenly focused on learning how to make you happy. If not, it is time to end the relationship.

If you absolutely cannot get past your anger then you need to get out of this relationship. No matter what your partner did it is never appropriate to be emotionally abusive. Acting passive aggressive and punishing your partner is emotional abuse. If you cannot forgive then you need to forgo being together. You need to let go and move on to find someone else who can make you happy. Or possibly you just need to take a break to get a clear head. I’ve always found tremendous wisdom in the old adage, “If you love something set it free, if it comes back to you it’s yours, if not, it never was.”