Most of my clients come to me wanting their ex back. Sometimes it truly was a relationship worth saving, and I help reunite them and make it even better than it was before. However, more frequently I end up showing him or her how their relationship was dysfunction, and why it’s good that it ended.
So how do you know if you should get back together or not?
It takes both of you to make that decision, and something very specific needs to change. So if you’re searching the Internet trying to figure out how to get your ex back, and you’re not doing it with your ex, your attempt is probably futile. You’re better off focusing all that energy on growing yourself, so you will attract someone better for you.
Unfortunately, the member of a broken relationship who actually reaches out for help usually isn’t the one that needs it most. It takes both people to want to change. Frequently one person doesn’t want to change or thinks they don’t need to change (thinks they’re perfect and is blaming you) and therefore will never change. If that is what is happening with your guy or girl I promise you it won’t work if you try again.
Nothing changes if nothing changes.
If you’re missing your guy or girl terribly and craving his or her company, or touch, that’s not good enough reason to get back together. It may just be ripping the band-aid off of a partially healed wound, only to create pain all over again.
Sex with an ex can be an awful lot like comfort food. In the moment, it’s all about pleasure. It’s hot, fun, and yummy—sometimes even decadent—and the consequences are far from any present concern. But when it’s over, you might not be left feeling comfortable. You may even feel a lot worse. The pain of the breakup will feel fresh again if you don’t stay together, you can even become depressed.
Before trying again you have to talk about why it didn’t work the first time. If both of you truly love each other and want to consciously change what didn’t work then you have a chance to make it last this time.
Sometimes you have to lose someone before you recognize how important they are to you, or how you really feel about them. Sometimes getting back together after a breakup can be the best thing that ever happened to your relationship. Just make sure you don’t fall back into your old bad habits that caused you to split up in the first place.
Call me for Breakup Counseling if you need support getting through a breakup or figuring out if you can get your ex back. Or read my book Giving Up Junk-Food Relationships to learn what a healthy relationship is and how to create one.