Stop Giving Your Ex Hope

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If you know that you are completely done with your ex and never want to get back together then please stop giving your ex hope that you’ll reunite. I say that because it’s hard to completely disconnect from someone, especially if you were together a long time. It feels good for the person who wanted out to be friendly with their ex. But it’s not good for your ex to be friends with you. The compassionate thing to do is to completely disconnect or only be friendly from a distance.

Every time you interact with your ex you are sending him or her a message that you still care. And while I’m sure you do, you need to create a very clear, and firm boundary that you are not trying to rekindle your relationship. I can assure you, your ex is reading into every kind thing you do as a spark of hope that you’re coming back. As a breakup coach, I talk to so many jilted lovers who are desperately searching for a way to get their ex back. They tell me all the nice things their ex has done as evidence of why they believe it’s possible. I do my best to help them see they need to let go and move on. However, the strongest confirmation of that needs to come from you — especially if you’re dating someone new.

It truly is the compassionate thing to do to let her know you have moved on — so she can too.

Men seem to be less willing to tell their ex they have a new lover. They don’t want to cause more pain. But by not telling your ex she still believes you’re available. Every time you interact she’s trying to get you back. Does she bring up your relationship every time you talk? That’s because she still wants to work on it. She’s in the bargaining stage of grief. It truly is the compassionate thing to do to let her know you have moved on — so she can too. Don’t be selfish trying to keep the door open if you are already with someone else. Your ex needs to get to the acceptance stage of grief. Don’t stand in her way.  Additionally, your new girl deserves the respect of your past being in the past.

If you have told your ex you are done, but he or she is still not leaving you alone you could send them a gift of my Breakup Rescue:

It comes with this video called “This Gift From Your EX” and is designed to help the broken-hearted feel better, let go, and move on.

Exes will always come up with something that seems like a valid reason why they need to contact you. They’ll ask you to do something you used to do or just want to share something that is going on in their life. Don’t fall for it. Unless it is a unique situation in which you genuinely are the only person who can handle it for your ex then you’re keeping your ex in pain by still being there for them. It’s keeping you connected too.

Look we are all creatures of habit. When you first breakup you have to break the habit of sharing your life together. That does take time. You need to create new habits that don’t involve your ex. The quicker you can do that the easier your life will be.

If you have young children then you will have to work out a custody schedule but try to limit how much you interact and it should only be about the children. If your children are adults then until you are BOTH in other relationships then it’s better that you stop communicating. Ignorance truly is bliss when you’re trying to move on from an ex. You should have no idea what he or she is doing, and your ex shouldn’t know about your new life. You will both be happier.